“Aikido: Bringing Me Home to My True Self” by Monica J. Wright

The March 2024 seminar with M. Flynn Shihan in Tacoma was my first Aikido seminar - my first big one. I'd been to one-day seminars at my home dojo with Fleshler Shihan, who started Multnomah Aikikai. He came back to share his wisdom. And he did so willingly, and with kindness, and with eyes that saw the fire within his students as he gently blew the flame. 

My experience in Tacoma was not that. It was way bigger! In every sense of that word! As soon as I stepped on the mat at Tacoma Aikikai I went from the small pond to the deep sea. Instantaneously.

My first seminar with Fleshler Sensei introduced me to the magic, the oneness, the possibility that Aikido could bring me home to my true self. I believe that's why I continue to practice at Multnomah Aikikai, and learn from my senpai, and Suzane Sensei, and grow alongside my peers. That's why I went to the seminar in Tacoma - to continue my journey home.

What I discovered was humbling. I know now, more than ever, that my journey has just begun. The material presented on the mat was ALL BRAND NEW to me. I was overwhelmed with the newness, and challenge, and ambiguity, and fast learning without knowing what I was doing, but I managed to get through each move with a TON of help and kindness from my senpai who were 99% complete strangers but whom I had to trust with my life if I was to truly learn.  I found out again and again and again that I could trust them, because they were trustworthy! They really were holding the door open for me and encouraging me to step through. 

It's an incredible experience to feel utterly vulnerable and completely supported at the same time. And that is how I felt with my senpai on the mat in Tacoma. 

Every single person I worked with on the mat, met me where I was, and we went from there. No questions. No judgment. Just train.  

It was beautiful and simultaneously jarring because community is not a culture I'm used to. I was raised with competition. I'm not inherently competitive. I wasn't born competitive, but the voices of competition that raised me still ring in my ear when I confront novelty and challenge. And they are voices of degradation and shame. As a motivation I suppose. That's how competition works right? Be better or be ashamed.

I heard those ghostly voices loud and clear on the mat during the seminar. I found myself treading water in the deep sea while others were diving and swirling all around me. The competitive voices of my upbringing said, you are nowhere near good enough, you shouldn't even be here, you're a burden to their art.

And, at the SAME TIME, everyone who was swirling around me reached out to lend a hand and help guide me from treading water to gliding (well not quite gliding but at least a relaxed doggie paddle if there is such a thing).

It was the wildest emotional roller coaster to simultaneously confront the voices in my head (the competitive narrative that says you have to be the best or you are shameful) with what I know to be true in my heart (it's not about being better than, it's about realizing your potential and helping each other succeed.)

I have found a rare community in Aikido. It feels like we are brought together to continue a universal truth, a legacy.  Here is an artform which intimately connects the body and the spirit to such an acute degree that it slices through life and death.

This seminar weekend in Tacoma solidified in me that it is an honor to train in the practice of Aikido and that there is a way in Aikido. It's an open way. But the only way the legacy can continue, is to keep the door open so that we can continue to come through. So the senpai hold the door open for their kohai and it's the most incredible growing experience I've ever had. Humbling and inspiring. I'm grateful.

Monica J. Wright, 5th Kyu

Multnomah Aikikai